On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
