i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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