the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
