so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
