i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
