I need to stop coming to work sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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