i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
