I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
