I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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