Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
