Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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