i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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