dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
