I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
