just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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