Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
