clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
