The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
