When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
