do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
