We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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