dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
