I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
