playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
