maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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