you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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