the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
