wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
