:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i think my cat just said my name.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
