I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
