is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
