he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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