the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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