I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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