Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
