just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
