Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
