Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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