I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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