Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize