There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
