Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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