I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
