biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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