Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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