No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
