I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
