my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
