Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
