Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
