Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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