There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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