he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
