i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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