The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
