worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
MIDGETS
????
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
