My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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