If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
