Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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