So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you win again, gameday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.