oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
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new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️