I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer