This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text