Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.