My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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