Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
